CENTIO
It's cybersecurity, not a wedding venue. Stop picking tiers.
Choose a package. We handle everything.
Read CENTIO’s roastTHE INTERNET KEEPS RECEIPTS.
Previously
roasted.
Big claims. Thin skin. Permanent links.
The company pitches and security careers that met the grill.
Company roasts19 saved roasts
Wiz
So did my last relationship, until context fell apart.
Wiz connects code, cloud, and runtime into one graph.
Read Wiz’s roast
PurpleSec
Every babysitter with a glare has been doing this job for decades.
They call themselves the only intent-based Prompt WAF on the market.
Read PurpleSec’s roast
Atlant Security
So when he goes on vacation, your SOC 2 just stalls at the airport.
Founder-led engagements, they promise.
Read Atlant Security’s roast
CENTIO
At least the plumber eventually admits he found a second problem.
Pricing's included, nothing extra — said every contractor mid-renovation.
Read CENTIO’s roast
Wiz
My group chat does that, and it just roasts strangers over typos.
Wiz connects code, cloud, and runtime into one agentic platform.
Read Wiz’s roast
Wiz
Slide 47: the graph now wants a badge, a standup slot, and a coffee budget.
Homepage: one agentic platform for code, cloud, and runtime.
Read Wiz’s roastAI satire, not a product review or a prediction of anyone’s employment. Company jokes riff on public marketing.