VulnXperts
Their experts poke holes so politely the holes say thanks.
VulnXperts? More like Vuln-X-Pecks — gentle little nibbles, no real damage.
Read VulnXperts’s roastTHE INTERNET KEEPS RECEIPTS.
Previously
roasted.
Big claims. Thin skin. Permanent links.
The company pitches and security careers that met the grill.
Company roasts37 saved roasts
ATECH Solutions
Five practices, one partner — and zero new ideas behind the slogans.
ATECH? More like A-Tech-No, thanks to the buzzword bingo board.
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Check Point Software Technologies Ltd.
Their slogan 'Turn intelligence into action, now' means turn your budget into their invoice, now.
Check Point? More like Cash Point.
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Advania
Your slogan says 'service obsession' — congrats, you've finally found your obsession.
Advani-ya? More like Advan-no-please.
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Sencode
Their entire business model is sending emails until someone finally opens one.
Sencode? More like Sends-Low-Code enthusiasm from the IT department.
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OffSec
Their tagline says 'level up where it matters.' Yeah, their billing cycle.
OffSec? More like Off-Second — your paycheck disappears that fast.
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CrowdStrike
The circus has an enterprise sales team.
CrowdStrike? More like... ClownStrike!
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Doran Jacques Grand National
Their 'Mothers forgetfulness' stat puts the blame squarely on mum.
Doran Jacques? More like Do-ran Into the Sofa Crying!
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fmhy
a wiki directory just slapped a Bash variable on its homepage to look technical.
fmhy called itself the "$HOME of Linux and macOS" —
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Fortinet
For a firewall company, they're desperate to let sales in.
Fortinet? More like... FortiNeedy.
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lcamtuf.coredump.cx
The site's biggest security flaw is the 'Written without AI' humblebrag on the homepage.
Coredump? More like... CringeDump!
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Bundesamt für Sicherheit in der Informationstechnik (BSI)
Their 'Wheel of Motion' goes nowhere, just like their 'Wheel of Distortion' suggests.
BSI? More like Behörde für Sicherheits-Irrsinn.
Read Bundesamt für Sicherheit in der Informationstechnik (BSI)’s roastAI satire, not a product review or a prediction of anyone’s employment. Company jokes riff on public marketing.