Microsoft
Your favorite apps were already the thing leaking your data.
Microsoft 365 promises advanced security in your favorite apps.
Read Microsoft’s roastTHE INTERNET KEEPS RECEIPTS.
Previously
roasted.
Big claims. Thin skin. Permanent links.
The company pitches and security careers that met the grill.
Company roasts37 saved roasts
AMATAS
Translation: someone else gets the 2 a.m. breach call.
AMATAS promises fully managed cyber security.
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Cybersecurity Companies
The world's most expensive free activity that still ends in a sales call.
Free to explore. Browse 215 companies in 54 countries.
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Cybersecurity Companies
A dating app for security buyers, except everyone ghosts after the demo.
Free to browse 215 cybersecurity companies.
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Cybersecurity Companies
It's a group chat for buyers who hate group chats.
A directory of 215 security companies, free to browse.
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CENTIO
The cybersecurity equivalent of a spouse who says 'trust me.'
We handle everything. You just pick the package.
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CENTIO
It's cybersecurity, not a wedding venue. Stop picking tiers.
Choose a package. We handle everything.
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Wiz
So did my last relationship, until context fell apart.
Wiz connects code, cloud, and runtime into one graph.
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PurpleSec
Every babysitter with a glare has been doing this job for decades.
They call themselves the only intent-based Prompt WAF on the market.
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Atlant Security
So when he goes on vacation, your SOC 2 just stalls at the airport.
Founder-led engagements, they promise.
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CENTIO
At least the plumber eventually admits he found a second problem.
Pricing's included, nothing extra — said every contractor mid-renovation.
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Wiz
My group chat does that, and it just roasts strangers over typos.
Wiz connects code, cloud, and runtime into one agentic platform.
Read Wiz’s roastAI satire, not a product review or a prediction of anyone’s employment. Company jokes riff on public marketing.