THE INTERNET KEEPS RECEIPTS.
Big claims. Thin skin. Permanent links.
The company pitches and security careers that met the grill.
Choudhary Muhammad Osama
You drop a three-screen Slack novel every time a cookie lacks HttpOnly. The bot writes that same Secure, SameSite, token-theft sermon before you type have you considered. The intern posts it first now. The thread reacts with the same damn emoji they used to give you.
Read Choudhary Muhammad Osama’s roastChris Fuller
You slap a 1-to-5 likelihood-times-impact sticker on every backlog item like that’s strategy, Residual Risk. A model can fill that grid and the compensating-controls bullets from the one-pager before standup. Then you still recite the leftover-risk line out loud, and the room hears last sprint’s same four numbers on the same sticker.
Read Chris Fuller’s roastPetar Chardakov
You spend the week aligning who owns the next identity integration and who signs the trust language. The client pastes the same brief into a chatbot and gets a partner shortlist, a draft MoU, and a slide on shared login before your meeting starts. You insist the relationship is the work. Fine. They're already asking the bot whether your invoice still belongs
Read Petar Chardakov’s roastAlexander Sverdlov
You open the client call by walking through last quarter's threats like they haven't heard of the internet. Meanwhile they dropped the vendor questionnaire into a chatbot and already have answers that would have taken your intern a week. You still bill for the workshop. Of course you do. That's why they're asking the same bot if your retainer is a vulnerabil
Read Alexander Sverdlov’s roastAlexander Sverdlov
You still introduce yourself like the last human standing between civilization and chaos. Every conversation becomes a TED talk about how only you see the real risk. You treat a calendar full of panels like a bunker. Then AI drafts the same warning in thirty seconds and nobody asks who founded the bunker. You're not the lock. You're the keynote about locks.
Read Alexander Sverdlov’s roastAlexander Sverdlov
Your GRC stack is now a demo-shaped copilot. Map controls across GRC frameworks (Now–6 months): A model ingests NIST/DORA/ISO/SOC2 text and produces crosswalks and gap lists, shrinking manual control-mapping spreadsheets and framework translation work. If: Public frameworks are already in training data; buyers still need a human to certify mappings against t
Read Alexander Sverdlov’s roastAlexander Sverdlov
You will be replaced in 6 months. Venvera is a GRC clone of Vanta with a first-sale discount that screams inventory, not fortress. Microsoft kept you one year until glass plaques looked more permanent than your consulting badge. Atlant Security sold digital fortresses while you later automated the CISO with a chatbot demo.
Read Alexander Sverdlov’s roastVladimir Petkov
You will be replaced in 6 months. You hit Staff Engineer at VMware. Their bug backlog still outranks your architecture docs. Broadcom bought VMware and kept you. Even the acquisition algorithm has more impact. Your VMware internship mentor hyped you. Five years later the same tickets still own you.
Read Vladimir Petkov’s roastMilen Strahinski
You will be replaced in 6 months. You built Atlant Security to sell the Windows checklists Claude writes for free. At Venvera your own vCISO platform invoices you while you still click the boxes. Your Microsoft title lasted longer than the cloud rules you scripted before GPT-4.
Read Milen Strahinski’s roastIvan Karkov
You will be replaced in weeks. No public titles or companies surface. Your LinkedIn is a blank CV AI already filled better. Handle ivan-karkov is the entire footprint. Even scrapers treat you as vaporware. Zero experience listed means the boring half was never there for AI to steal.
Read Ivan Karkov’s roastAlexander Sverdlov
Alexander Sverdlov left Microsoft's security consulting team after one year because glass plaques were too depressing, then rebranded the same checkbox grind as Atlant Security and now Venvera—the 'we are cheaper than Vanta/Drata' GRC platform that maps DORA, NIS2, ISO 27001 and TPRM while he DMs first-sale discounts like a Black Friday compliance clearance.
Read Alexander Sverdlov’s roastAI satire, not a product review or a prediction of anyone’s employment. Company jokes riff on public marketing.
